Why I’m Heading For The Hills. Literally.
As most of you know- I’m moving. Or as some of you are concerned I have moved. Truthfully as of the time I am writing and posting this I am staying with a friend in North Miami Beach because yo- I spent 9.5 years of my life here. I became an adult here. I learned more about who TF I am here. And I will admit- part of me reluctant to let go. So I am savoring these precious last moments as long as I can.
But that’s not why you’re here so I will get to it. I am moving for several reasons. May I present to you, in no particular order, a bulleted list of whys:
- I am from there
- My parental units are not spring chickens
- I was feeling as if my days in were liken to the movie Groundhog’s Day
- I wasn’t on a lucrative career path
- I wasn’t living my best life
That’s the cliff notes (anyone remember those?) version of my whys. Now to elaborate.
After seeing my friends who are from Miami spending holidays with their families and celebrating their best friend from childhood’s birthday, buying presents for their cousin’s babyshower- just being a part of their lives started really, REALLY pulling on my heart strings. I don’t even want a baby but damn- I want to be around for my cousin Joanna’s. I want to celebrate with my best friend from elementary school Ashley’s. And I want to help with my best friend’s sister’s. I have missed so much of the lives of those who were so critical to my growth. And it sucks.
My mom was 38 when she had me, and my dad was 33. Which means that they are well into their senior citizen years. I am an open book but just so I don’t overload you with ALL the juicy details it is suffice to say our relationship is kind of non-exsistent and for no reason. I want to change that while I can. Or at the very least try. So that means fishing trips with my dad (which will honestly probably be me trying to free the worms when he isn’t looking) and quality time with my mom (whatever that means I will have to figure out).
Ok so my day to day here. In order to just live (we are talking rent and food) that meant coaching my ass off. Which I know, seems funny considering it’s size, but you know what I mean. That left very little free time to do the things I want to do- like writing, hence the delay in making this post, and organizing conversations about important topics, creating events, public speaking, spreading knowledge about topics of interest and making the impact the size that I want. And even less time to do the fun stuff- like going out, dinners, concerts, performances, even trying different ways of working out. Oh and did I mention the money thing? How was I suppose to pay for all that? Any of that? I was exhausted and the free time I did have was devoted to sleeping and doing errands and laundry and shit. I began noticing that I was sooooo busy just trying to swim that I didn’t even notice if only I would have extended my arm then my hand would have been on a life preserver.
Which brings me to the next bullet point: career. “Do what you love and you will never work a day,” is a crock of bullshit. I L-O-V-E-D coaching CrossFit. I love CrossFit. CrossFit changed my life. When I started CrossFit I didn’t know I could do some of the things I did. I didn’t even know I would want to. So I wanted to give that to people. I wanted to help empower them. And I did. And it has been, and will always be, the best gift I have ever given and been able to get (knowing that I helped). But I was doing so much of it and not seeing the return on investment that I got burnt out. So burnt out. So burnt out that it wasn’t fun for me. So burnt out that I didn’t even want to do it. So burnt out that I started questioning what I was doing. And that is when I realized that I need to dream bigger. And in order to do that I need some time to think. I needed to stop swimming and grab on to the life preserver. I needed to get out of the water. So I did. I packed up shop and decided it’s time to reconnect with my roots.
Sometimes in order to see how far we have come we need to remember where we came from. And I’m going to immerse myself all up in it. I’ve talked about this before. About allowing your feelings and actually feeling them. About rolling around in them and letting them get in all the nooks and crannies so you know exactly what they are about. That’s what I’m doing with me. Now that I better know who I am I need to know where I came from. I ran away from my childhood. Not because anything bad happened but because I never felt like I fit in. Some things I was told and some things that I saw just didn’t feel right. I needed to see more. And now it’s time to take that knowledge back. To take the lessons I have learned and apply them where I feel they are needed the most.
So I’m heading back. And yes- I know. Now I will miss out on all of those major life events of my friends here. And trust me- just thinking of that makes me tear up as these friends are more recent. But I will decide how to cross that bridge when I get to it. And yes- I know. Things will be different there. The people, the opinions, the weather. But I’ll be okay. And yes, I know. This basically means starting over. But thanks to you, I have the inspiration to bring bigger. Whether that is because you are a close friend, a representation of the kind of life I want to change or just a being who frequently double taps my photos and quietly watches from the sidelines- you have given me power and I am grateful for you.
To sum it all up, when you ask me why I am moving back to North Carolina to put it simply: You know, because I want to change the world and shit.
And I am looking forward to seeing you in it.
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