Real Talk: When Life Just Sucks (And How-To Get Out of a Funk)!

A post/quote I have been seeing a lot lately on the Gram is one that reads, “No one’s life is as perfect as it looks on Instagram.” And my first thought to that is, “Who’s life looks perfect?” I try to always give you the good, the bad, the pretty and the ugly because hey- that’s  life. But that has solely been on the Gram in the form of captions. And today has just been one of those fucking days so I feel compelled to use this constructively and dive a little deeper into the shit and talk about what I do to try (<— key word) to pull myself out of it. So here we go.

I know that if you have been following me or reading my posts for any amount of time you probably ok definitely have noticed that most of my stuff all fitness-y and full of inspiration and positive outlooks, everything happens for a reason-esq kind of stuff. As much as I am a true believer in all that juju right now we are going to talk about when shit. just. sucks. You know what I mean. When you’re doing your best to be all positive, count your blessings, do your happy dances, grind for a better you and whatever else it is that you do to make yourself happy and motivated and yet life just keeps rewarding you with a big, shit-filled kick to the face.

Without delving too too deep into the shit that inspired this post (I don’t want to give you a money shot of my bad vibes right in your eye) I would like to just give a little background to set the tone.

Lately I have been on it: the goal setting, the action steps to reach the goals, the daily planning, the accountability, actually doing the stuff to reach the goals. And it was on one of those action items to reach the goals that I got caught in what was the record rainfall of the remnants of Tropical Storm Emily- right on the sinking island that is Miami Beach. It was one of those situations where I thought I was lucky. As in the shit was flying for sure but it hadn’t quite hit the fan yet. Until the next day. I’m driving to coach somewhere in the 5am hour and as I turn I hear sloshing water. For a second I was just trying to determine if it was my car. But if course it was my car. It’s 5 in the morning. People are asleep. Okay- I’m getting too detailed. I promise to lift you up and not bring you down so a bulleted list of my day would look like the below. After I wrote it I realize it’s pretty detailed (total money shot but it isn’t really so much negative as it felt) so feel free to skim over by clicking here.

• 5am – Wakeup
• 5-5:50am – Get ready, walk Mr. T, etc.
• 5:55am – Leave
• 5:58ish – *Hears sloshing*
• 6:15-10:30a – Interrogate any and all athletes with mechanical knowledge about what could be the issue, what the possible solutions are and what I should do in between sets as I coach 4 CrossFit classes while nervously wondering about the condition of my leased vehicle
• 9:19 – Check floorboards for water. Yea. Yea they are wet. Continuing worrying (thanks Mom)
• 10:43a – Leave CF Wynwood to go to CF Miami Beach to help clean up with the flooding cluster fuck over there
• 11a – Take floorboard mats out of car to dry while cleaning up other water damage.
• 11:05a – Tell Coach Jason situation.
• 11:10a – Leave because Coach Jason tells you to handle your life and then come back and coach for him so he can pick-up daughter
• 11:20a – Empty crap out of car from the 7 times I moved last year and didn’t have a car so that I have excitedly been using new car as a storage unit
• At some point I made an appointment at the dealership
• 12:07p – Arrive at dealership. Give them info. Learn it will be 1.5 hours before they can see car.
• 12:15p – Uber back home
• 12:45p – Walk Mr. T, chug protein shake, change clothes, leave for box
• 1:30-3p – Coach. Miss call from dealership. Try to call back with no answer.
• 3:15p – Lyft back to dealership. Worst Lyft/Uber experience of my life. (And I used these services every day for like 3 months last fall) 2 other passengers were smoking, drinking, blaring the music, one was talking to me about being a mind reader and then the other was yelling at him. At some point when he was telling me a story he accidentally did that thing where he kind of spits on you. Thanks, Universe. Then he started singing to me like he was John Legend. I’m not sure at what point but somewhere I wrote a letter to Lyft (see screenshot). Oh and he told me he loved me when I got out of the car.

• 3:30p – Arrive at dealership to wait 15 minutes before I can speak to advisor. Advisor then tells me that they need to replace carpet and that there is water in the transmission. Also I need an oil change (random but hey- might as well while it’s there). $1500. I have to now call the insurance people and file a claim so they can go over there and check this shit out. Car has to stay there. My favorite part? That I was able to experience that shared ride.
• I don’t even know – I Uber (because FUCK Lyft) back. So now I have spent a grand total of like $20 on these rides today.
• 4:17p – I get in and just start crying. I laid down on the floor. I cried. I tried to snuggle with my dog who just wanted to play. I cried some more. I gathered myself up and went to workout. In the corner. By myself.
• Whole Foods happened at some point. Then I ate, fell asleep on the couch and finally showered and here I am. Oh! And I got my period too somewhere in there.

Okay so now you probably have a much better grasp of where my head is at. Yes, fortunately everyone is safe so I do realize that my disgruntles are very first world. And no I don’t mean this to come across as some big rant or complaint. I just wanted to give you some insight to my day. From there my intent is to use this constructively. And so without further ado,… I give you:

How I Try to Get Out of a Funk

First I Allow Myself to Feel Whatever It Is That I Am Feeling

People often try to tell you to do something. To “calm down,” “just relax,” “breathe” or whatever. Which for me only exacerbates my disgruntled feelings.

What works for me is to just feel what I am feeling. Sad? Cry. Mad? Yell. Frustrated? Scream. Or whatever you need to do to get all of those not-so-awesome feelings out. (Just make sure that your response is not directly to anyway. Example: Don’t yell at your neighbor for watching the TV too loud past 10pm because your boss didn’t give you that raise you were promised.)

When we bottle in emotions then a few things happen. A. They come out in other ways, at other times. Which is never good. Then you have another situation to be bothered about that could have been avoided had you just processed the first disgruntled situation. B. You are stunting your emotionally growth by sweeping what you’re feeling under the rug. And C. We stress out our bodies. When we are stressed we release cortisol- and that can have negative effects on your health.

Get Those Feelings Out

I have several methods for how I like to do this.

The most common is calling a friend. Having a trusted friend that you can speak freely with about your emotions is always great. It gets everything out in the air and your friend can probably provide some perspective on the situation. (Just remember that they are coming from a place of love).

Another method is journaling. Yes, all “Dear Diary” style. Except I have been journaling for YEARS so I can open with the immediate story or something like, “Listen to this shit” and skip all the formalities. This method is intimate. Nobody has to know what you are saying. And you can just write freely whatever is on your mind. If expressing your feelings isn’t something you’re comfortable with then this is a great option.

If writing isn’t your thing considering today’s technologies you can always vlog it. That is record yourself on video. Again- this can be intimate. No one has to see it. This method also allows your to express yourself with verbal language and tone as well as facial expressions. Good for when you are over a significant other so that when they try to sweet talk their way back into your life you can just re-watch the video and actually SEE how they effect you.

Don’t like to see yourself? Do an audio recording. Again, intimate (unless your house is bugged or you have a noisy roommate) and this allow you to hear your tone and emotion.

And then there’s always speech to texting to a Note. But who knows what that will say when you go back to it.

Let Those Feelings Marinate

Have you ever heard someone say, “Just sit with it a little bit” or “Sleep on it?” Same concept. Now that you have allowed yourself to feel how you do and expressed that energy in some way so that you can revisit it at a later time then go do something.

Workout, meditate, run a couple of errands- do something productive. Something to take your mind off of whatever happened yet still allows you to think clearly. That means no alcohol. I know it can be hard to do something else when you are so upset. But life goes on whether you do or not. So handle you, feel your feels, and then keep moving forward.

Come Back To Those Feelings

So now we have felt the feelings, expressed them and left them. *Takes a deep inhale and exhale*

It’s time.

We’ve gotttttt to do the analyzing. I knowwwww. I used to drag my feel for this step too. Sometimes I still do. But this has become my favorite part. This is the part where I get to more calmly review and access everything in a calmer manner.

I like to start asking myself the following questions. Not all of them are applicable for every single time I’m feeling blah so I pick the applicable ones:

• Have I eaten lately? (Super important. If this is “no” go eat a sandwich. Now. Then come back when you’re done).
• What exactly happened from my point of view?
• What could have happened from their point of view?
• How do I feel about this?
• Why am I feeling this way about the situation?
• What is the outcome I would like with the situation?

And my favorite:

• What did I learn here?

Decide What To Do

Well I can’t stay feeling upset forever. Well I mean I guess I technically could. But that doesn’t really work at all with the life that I’m creating. So now I decide the next steps.

Based on what I know now, what do I want to happen in the future? Think back to the question about the outcome. You’ve got allll the knowledge you need to handle this. Otherwise it wouldn’t have happened to you.

With this step I want you to forget about what “could” or “could not” happen. I want you to be mindful of what is. Remove any negative or positive association with it and accept it for just being what is. Focus on what you want to come from the situation. And figure out how to make that happen.

Move On

We are suckers for habit. So sometimes even though we know what we should do it can be difficult for us to actually do those things. And misery loves company. It’s a slut for it. Which means it can be soooo easy to bring others down with us. (*Ahem* Kind of like gossiping…)

But you have felt the feels, decided what you want from this and now it’s time to walk on. How? Do things that make you happy. Maybe that’s taking that weekend trip you’ve been talking about. One of my friends likes to get her eyebrows done. I like to make a day of it and go for eyebrows, nails and massage. Maybe it’s spending time alone. Maybe it’s spending time with your family. Whatever it is that you like to do, go do that.

Life can be trying. But hey, c’est la vie. Friends move, people die, lovers fight, money gets spent. Sometimes days just suck. But strangers also become friends, babies are born, people get married, we get promotions. Some days are just pure magic. The most important thing is that we make the most of our precious time.

So use it all as best as you can. Don’t hold on to any feelings that make you feel less than amazing. And know that You are the only one that has power over how you feel- not any body else or any situation.

And there you have it. How I try to get myself out of a funk. I hope it helps you in some way! Even if only to let you know that you’re not alone. Thank you for reading. Thank you for allowing me to be me. And thank you for allowing you to be you.

Sending tons of love to my Good Vibe Tribe 💖